The Ever-Evolving Human Story

by Rev. Peter E. Bauer

As I mentioned previously, human beings are storytellers. We communicate our identity, our essence, what is important to us, to others in the form of stories. Some of the stories can be heroic (i.e., my great grandfather came to the United States from Europe at the turn of the 20th century and had a successful ministry in the Midwest) or the story may be tragic (i.e., I was a young, gifted artist and then I developed cancer in my 20’s). Sometimes, it can be all too tempting to buy into the myth of the story being too binary: either all about heroism or all about failure.

However, life is not so predictable in terms of its trajectory. We don’t always succeed at goals nor do we always fail at tasks. Instead, we live in the in-between terrain where there are victories and some set-backs.

In the movie “Manchester by the Sea” we are introduced to Lee:

“After the death of his older brother, Joe, Lee Chandler (Casey Affleck) is shocked that Joe has made him sole guardian of his teenage nephew, Patrick. Taking leave of his job as a janitor in Boston, Lee reluctantly returns to Manchester-by-the-Sea, the fishing village where his working-class family has lived for generations. There, he is forced to deal with a past that separated him from his wife, Randi (Michelle Williams), and the community where he was born and raised. “Manchester by the Sea” R 2016 ‧ Drama film ‧ 2h 17m

Lee Chandler sees himself as a loner, depressed, trying his best to keep a distance from his family legacy which has been marked by the death of his children and the divorce from his spouse. He sees himself as someone who needs to try to provide for himself. He doesn’t need anyone else.

Of course, this all changes when his brother dies tragically and the will indicates that Lee has been entrusted guardianship of his nephew, Patrick. Overnight, Lee has become a surrogate father and he is clearly not ready for it.

What is striking in the film is that the other people in Lee’s life are able to make sense of their life story and then make changes. His ex-spouse goes on to find another partner and has a baby. His sister-in-law also remarries a man, who is described as a devout Christian and who offers her stability.

The scripts have been changed for these other characters, but not so much for Lee. He still presents with this depression that leaves him rather adrift like an untethered boat in the harbor.

Narrative Therapy (White, Epson) argues that if you are unhappy with the story you have generated regarding your life, then there is the possibility that you can look for alternative interpretations regarding the story, and thereby create new meaning. In other words, the story does not stay the same, rather the story is constantly evolving and changing.

Think of people you may know where one person was born poor but was able to make and create a livelihood for themselves through a career. Maybe you know someone who was suffering with a long-term illness, but was able to receive appropriate medical intervention and has subsequently recovered. You may know someone who has suffered the loss of a partner or a child or parent and has been resourceful to find new life in new relationships with others, new activities, new interests and in turn has opened a new chapter in their lives.

There is always the temptation for people to say “It’s always been that way, it will never change. “ This mentality can contribute to people reliving, re-enacting, a lot of traumatic events that may have occurred in earlier periods of their lives (Minuchin).

However, it’s when you do something different that things tend to change. When you take up this new interest, meet a new friend, read a new book, develop a new skill or talent then life can change and flourish.

The stories that we tell ourselves are important, but they are not stagnant. There is always movement; there is always further interpretation. We are never the same as time passes.

May we embrace our stories and be open to many new and different interpretations that can enhance our understanding and meaning for our lives.

May it be so.